Itchybuttitis

Hello everybody!  This week was pretty hilarious.  I told you that I
love messing with the other elders, right?  Well this week was
unbelievable.  I got Elder Lee and Elder Furniss so many times this
week.

     The first was the watermelon story, which I sent out in a
separate email because it was just that special to me.  The next is
something that was never actually intended to go so well.  It started
off just as a joke, a play on words, but Elder Lee totally missed it
and we got a great story out of it now.
     So this week Elder Lee seemed a little more scratchy than usual,
if you know what I mean.  So Elder Furniss asked him, "Hey it looks
like you've got a case of itchybuttitis.  Are you ok?"  Now keep in
mind that Elder Lee is from Hong Kong so English is not his native
language.  He is fluent in English for the most part but some things
trip him up in hilarious ways.  This was one of those times.  So Elder
Lee's like, "What's that?" and we just go with it.
     "It's when you feel more itchy than usual.  This is due to a
slight fungal growth just beneath the skin.  It's pretty common and
most people get it many times throughout their lifetime.  In most
cases it is pretty minor, rarely do people die from it."
     And he just freaks out.  "How do you know if you have it!?  I
feel a little sick but it's not too bad.  Am I ok?"
     We calm him down and tell him he probably is just a little itchy.
He probably doesn't have a serious case of itchybuttitis.  So he's
calmed down a little bit but he still thinks it's a real thing.
     A few days later we go out to play basketball.  We have an
outdoor court and it's pretty sunny.  Elder O'Connor puts on some
sunscreen and doesn't rub it in all the way.  As we play he starts to
sweat and it starts to come off a little bit.  Elder Lee sees his skin
is covered in this white goopy stuff and he says, "OH!  What happened
to your skin!?  Are you ok?"  Very concerned for his health.  I see
this as a wonderful opportunity and jump in and say, "He's got
itchybuttitis.  He has a pretty serious case.  We're actually going to
call the doctor in a minute.  Elder O'Connor has some pills that take
care of minor cases in his bag so he should be fine."
     Again, he totally buys it.
     Later that day he asks us what the doctor said and I have him sit down.
     "We've got some pretty serious news.  Elder O'Connor has Stage 3
itchybuttitis, and I have Stage 1 from being around him 24/7.  In my
case I'll just feel a little tired and sick but I'm not contagious.
However, Elder O'Connor has it a little more severe.  He's contagious
within a 3 foot radius or so.  You can get it by touching or breathing
the air around him etc.  We don't know all the details about it but if
he hits stage 4 he'll have to go home."
     This is devastating news to our poor naive friend Elder Lee.
He's an emotional wreck and his heart reaches out to us.  His body,
however, recoils halfway across the room in trembling fear.
     "You're not going to get anybody else sick, right?  It'll just go
away later?  How do you get rid of it?"
     We tell him this big long list of side effects and lead him on to
believe that he already has it.  It was poetic.  It was beautiful.  It
was terrible and terrifying for Elder Lee.  Elder Furniss just stood
in the back trying his very utmost to not break face or laugh,
unsuccessfully.  We usually have a group hug at night before bed but
there was none of that this week due to Elder Lee's undying fear of
the dreaded disease "itchybuttitis".
     Today we told him that itchybuttitis isn't a real thing but we
had him so convinced that he didn't believe us.  I also had him
convinced for the longest time that cooties was a real thing and that
it was dead serious.  We told him that none of it was real but he's
still careful around women and pretty skeptical if he feels a little
itch.

Yup.  That's my other story for this week.  It was pretty great and
very entertaining.  I hope you enjoyed it!
Elder Rogers

PS - we did actually do missionary work this week, this email's just a
little long so I'll talk about it in another one soon.

Pictures we took for the mission President wife.  It was her birthday last week and she is always telling us to eat healthy, exercise, and keep the house clean.